Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Strike 4

I'm called to a drunk guy sitting in a car in a parking lot. I find him in the driver's seat, engine running, tunes blaring, drinking a can of beer. It's 3 in the afternoon, and his BAC is .23. He refuses to take any sobriety tests, because "I know I can't pass them". I start going through the charges he's looking at:

Officer Cynical: "The DUI law includes you sitting in the driver's seat of a running car, you know."
Saccha R. O'Myces: "But I wasn't driving."
Officer Cynical: "OK, who was?"
Saccha R. O'Myces: "My friend."
Officer Cynical: "And where is your friend now?"
Saccha R. O'Myces: "He went to the store for smokes."
Officer Cynical: "OK, we'll just sit here and wait for him to come back."
Saccha R. O'Myces: "OK, I was driving."

Officer Cynical: "And is this car insured?"
Saccha R. O'Myces: "Of course it is, man, what do you think I am?"
Officer Cynical: "Can I see your insurance card?"
Saccha R. O'Myces: "It's at home."
Officer Cynical: "No problem. I can just call your agent and verify it."
Saccha R. O'Myces: "OK, I don't have insurance."

Officer Cynical: "And you know you can't have an open container of alcohol in a running motor vehicle, right?"
Saccha R. O'Myces: "I didn't! I was just sitting here."
Officer Cynical: "Well, there's a cold, open can of beer right there in your cup holder."
Saccha R. O'Myces: "Well, OK, yeah...but I wasn't gonna drive anywhere."
Officer Cynical: "What about when you were done 'just sitting here'?"
Saccha R. O'Myces: "OK, well, yeah....."

Officer Cynical: "And your license is suspended."
Saccha R. O'Myces: (puts head in hands) "Fuck, dude!"



Anonymous said...

I don't quite understand why you named him after a probiotic.

The Number Cruncher said...

Just want to remind you how much we appreciate you taking care of that.

~ The collective public who won't get hit by that particular drunk

Officer Cynical said...

@Anonymous 10:33 - brewer's yeast genus

Medic13 said...

I love your blog. Have a question though. We have the same DWI law in NY (can't sit in the seat of a car and be in procession of the keys). If you believe that the person realized they drank too much and is honestly sleeping it off and not going to drive, do you still have to give the DWI?

Officer Cynical said...

@Medic 13: If I can get them on their way with a sober person, I let them go. If not, they go to jail. I can't risk them driving off, even if they say they won't. If they kill someone, it's on me.

Anonymous said...

wasn't aware it was also a species used in brewing, but it is also the species in florastor thus the confusion.

Medic13 said...

Ok I meant it as how you do it. Finding them a sober person. I work with a lot of cops, and some do it the same way, some say no matter what it's a DWI and off to jail. I've seen what Drunk drivers can do and it's not cool.