Wednesday, November 25, 2015

Just Another Day At The Office

This is old and a little long, but worth every minute. I hope the trooper got a promotion after this encounter.

Tuesday, November 24, 2015

This Isn't Pretend

Imagine this from the officer's point of view. This lunatic is advancing on you and screaming that he's going to kill you, all the while in a bladed position and keeping one hand on the side of his body you can't see. He then pretends to draw a gun. What would you do in that fraction of a second?

Thursday, November 19, 2015

Favorite Dream Ever

The other night I dreamt I was dealing with some uncooperative douchebag - some creep who wouldn't answer my questions and was refusing my orders. I finally stuck my finger in his face and said:

"You want an old-man beat down? I'll give you an old-man beat down! Then I'll haul your ass out of here in candy-colored handcuffs!"

Now, I have no idea exactly what that means, but I would've loved to have used that in a non-sleep mook encounter.

Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Two For The Price Of One

How do you get two DWIs at once? While dealing with the first one, the second one crashes into your squad car.

Monday, November 16, 2015

Drunk And Stupid

Cutting through people's yards and hiding in that apartment building laundry room after your little burglary spree was a pretty good plan. It was especially timely since we didn't have a canine unit working that night.

However, you forgot one thing: with a foot of freshly fallen snow on the ground, we didn't need a canine to follow your footprints right to where you were passed out behind the washing machines. Perhaps a somewhat lower BAC would've helped you be a better one-man crime wave.