Monday, July 21, 2014

The Latest Fad

Mr. Zepam: "Somebody broke into my apartment and stole my oxycodone. I need to make a police report so my doctor will write me a new prescription."

Officer Cynical: "I don't see a pried door or broken window. How do you suppose they got in your apartment?"

Mr. Zepam: "I don't know. Maybe they had a key."

Officer Cynical: "How many other people have you given keys to?"

Mr. Zepam: "Well, nobody. Maybe they got it from the landlord or something."

Officer Cynical: "And you say your oxycodone was here in your bedroom? Right by your jewelry and this video camera and this cash? Why do you suppose they left that stuff here?"

Mr. Zepam: "Well, the jewelry isn't worth much, and the video camera is broken."

Officer Cynical: "How would they know that?"

Mr. Zepam: "No idea. Look, are you gonna take this report or what?"

Officer Cynical: "Sure, I can do that. But just FYI - filing a false police report is a crime that you can go to prison for. Not that you're lying to me or anything. Just FYI."

Mr. Zepam: "Fine. Never mind, then. I don't want the stupid report. I thought the police were here to help people. Jesus!"


lbparker said...

Another brain on drugs.

Crazy RxMan said...

"Somebody stole it" -- the most widely used excuse for an early refill at my pharmacy.

CG said...

Does she think you're stupid?

Maybe I would keep a list of places that sell small safes (including Pawn Shops) and hand those out on calls….