Friday, July 4, 2014

Happy 4th of July?

I'm in a particularly crappy part of town, questioning a suspect about a stolen car. It's 4th of July, and he's is at a party where pretty much everybody in the neighborhood is falling-down drunk. I have the suspect in the side yard of his house so we can talk in private.

Officer Cynical: "So, do you know anything about where this stolen car might be?"

BigFatGirl: (Staggering up to where we're standing) "Hey, that fucker who called you came over here and accused us of taking his fucking car! And right in front of my fucking kids! What the fuck are you gonna do about that?"

Officer Cynical: "Well, right now I'm just trying to get all the information about the case. Then we'll see."

BigFatGirl: (Wandering off in a serpentine fashion) "You really oughtta do something about that fucker, the way he was talking to us in front of my fucking kids!"

Officer Cynical: (Turning back to suspect) "So, anyway, do you know anything about where this stolen car might be?"

EmaciatedGirl: (Staggering up as BigFatGirl is leaving) "Hey, Officer! How about a hug for 4th of July?"

Officer Cynical: "Sorry, I don't hug on the job. Flu season, you know."

EmaciatedGirl: "Aw, come on, Officer! It's 4th of July and you remind me of my grandpa. I loved my grandpa."

Officer Cynical: "Gee, thanks. I'm sure your grandpa was a swell guy, but I don't hug drunk strangers while I'm working. Sorry."

EmaciatedGirl: (Weaving away) "That's fuckin' bullshit! My grandpa woulda hugged me."

Officer Cynical: (Turning back to suspect) "You know, I think I've got everything I need here. If I need anything else, I'll call you."

1 comment:

Heidi said...

I've no idea how you do what you do and stay sane, but thank you.