Friday, July 25, 2014

Just Call Us For Absolutely Anything

Some true examples of recent calls that make me wonder what the fuck some people would do if something bad or illegal actually happened:

Grandpa calls because his grandson is biting himself and poking himself in the eye. The grandson is 3 years old.

Mr. Jackwagon calls because some kids are skateboarding in the skate park.

Ms. Cornfloater calls because she has one of those marquee trailers outside her dress design business, and overnight someone moved the letters around to spell out a bad word.

Mr. Turdblossom calls because his neighbor's car was vandalized about a year ago, and the neighbor has never cleaned up the broken windshield glass out of the street.

Ms. Douchnozzle calls because there is a dead bird on her porch.


Anonymous said...

In my big city, you have to call 911 for all sorts of stupid stuff. Construction kept starting before time by my house, so I called 311 to lodge a complaint. I was told to call the police the next time it happened. !!!!! So I just told the crew that - worked just as well.

lbparker said...

But Officer, isn't it your job to help the terminally helpless/clueless with the IMPORTANT THINGS in life? It must have been in your contract somewhere. . .

When did "police officer" become "parent"? Seems the last few years have been getting worse and worse.

Keep your sense of humor, OC!

Anonymous said...

And here I was thinking that idiots only lived in my city.

[[A typical GhettoZoo call]]
IDIOT: There are turkeys by the highway.
ME: ...?
IDIOT: Go pick them up.
ME: No. That's not how zoos work.
IDIOT: I'm calling the police then.