Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Strunk White, Idiot Weatherman: Suddenly, Nothing Happened!

I'm watching something pretty good on TV. In the distance, I can hear what sounds like a weather alert siren blaring away. But the weather is perfectly benign - not a cloud in the sky - and nothing of any consequence is happening. After a minute, the siren stops.

Almost immediately, my show is interrupted by Strunk White, Idiot Weatherman, frowning at me from the Channel 19 Weather Panic Button Center. He begins by stating the obvious: a weather alert siren somewhere within earshot of Cynicalville has gone off. Then Strunk White, Idiot Weatherman - and I swear to god I'm not making this up - says that it's a mistake and we should ignore it. He then launches into a ten-minute long dissertation about how much of a mistake the distant siren was, and how much we should ignore it, and what he would be doing if there were an actual weather emergency, and what we should do if he ever interrupted a good program again with an actual weather emergency.

I resist the urge to drive to the Channel 19 Weather Panic Button Center and shoot Strunk White, Idiot Weatherman, in the face on live TV. But only because some cop I work with might see it on TV and recognize me.


Anonymous said...

I'm really enjoying your return to blogging!

And, another aside (regarding your choice of story names).,.in the great city of Chicago on NBC 5 we are so fortunate to have a weatherman named Pete Sack who usually airs with the news anchor named Dick Johnson. Excuse me while I go snicker.

Hildy said...

Sounds like justifiable homicide to me, but maybe wear a balaclava just in case.