Neither Snow Nor Rain Nor Heat Nor Gloom of Night.....

I get dispatched to an apartment building where someone has taken the outgoing mail, which is deposited in an open wooden box in the lobby, and opened it the laundry room - obviously hoping for some easy cash.

The building manager is doing the I-know-your-job-better-than-you-do act. He wants the mail dusted for prints, swabbed for DNA, and everything else he can think of. I tell him that postal theft is a federal beef, and I'll contact the Postal Inspector to see what they want done.

Mr. Herodotus: "It has to be someone in this building, because no one would come in from the outside to steal mail."

Officer Cynical: "Really? You don't think mail theft is ever done by someone who doesn't live in the building?"

Mr. Herodotus: "Well, it's been fine for 30 years, and now this."

Officer Cynical: "I guess it's not fine anymore, then, is it?"

Mr. Herodotus: "I think it's the guy in #9. He's a disabled Vietnam vet and on a bunch of medications. He has Agent Orange Disease and acts weird."

Officer Cynical: "Sounds like a few guys I was in the Marines with."

Mr. Herodotus: "Well, you don't know what he's like, and I do. I think he did it."

Officer Cynical: "Did you or anyone else see him with the mail?"

Mr. Herodotus: "No, but you don't know him like I do."

Officer Cynical: "Apparently not."

I call the Postal Inspector and get instructions from him.

Officer Cynical: "The Postal Inspector said he'll have the mail carrier come and pick up the damaged mail. They'll look into it from here on out."

Mr. Herodotus: "That's it? Nothing else?"

Officer Cynical: "There is one more thing. The Postal Inspector also said you're going to have to spring for a metal, lockable, secure mailbox for your tenants, or they won't deliver mail here anymore."