Friday, August 29, 2014


I tracked down a couple of shoplifters today. The pair was passed out near a drainage ditch a couple blocks from the store. Laci was practically comatose from drugs and alcohol. Cody was also hammered and royally pissed off that I would dare detain him.

After a brief wrestling match, Cody got stuffed unceremoniously into the back seat of my squad car, where he proceeded to knock out a window with his head. Then, when he started crappie-flopping with fake seizures, he had to go to the ER.

In the exam room, he went totally ballistic, screaming and trying to fight all of us. At one point, I was holding down one arm, another cop was holding the other, Dr. St. Francis of Assisi was holding one leg, RN #1 was holding the other, and a security guard was holding his head.

Dr. St. Francis of Assisi gave Cody a stern, "You're not making very good choices right now." When that didn't work, RN #2 went into full MMA mode. He climbed completely up onto the gurney and buried his knee into Cody's thigh, presumably in an attempt to gain submission. It worked and it was awesome!

Finally, Cody went off to jail with a buttload of Zyprexa, unable to do much more than curse and drool.

Don't screw with RN #2!


Unknown said...

pain compliance is an amazing technique when appropriately utilized.

Anonymous said...

Can we please do this to people who act all wacky at the pharmacy?