Throwing A Dummy

Some people think that if they pretend to faint, it will get them out of trouble. It won't.

One night I arrested a guy for domestic assault outside his girlfriend's apartment building. As soon as I got the cuffs on him, he keeled over onto the grass. On the off chance something is actually wrong, I have to call an ambulance. They get there and quickly determine the guy is faking. I'd think it would be hard to maintain faux unconsciousness with an EMT grinding a knuckle into your sternum, but this guy stuck with it all the way to the ER, through the clearance process, and all the way to the jail. Various paramedics, nurses, doctors, cops, and jail guards hollering, "Ray, you dumbass, we know you're faking so knock it off!" didn't phase him. He was still "out" when I left the jail.

For added drama, some add agonal breathing. A guy was breaking into cars near a construction site, and made the mistake of trying to get into cars belonging to the construction guys. They caught him in the act and did a short "interview" with him before calling us. Right after I put the cuffs on him, down he went in the middle of the street. Right away came the gasping, heaving breaths. Oddly, as we rolled him over, he lifted his head and turned it so his face didn't get dirty, then laid it back down. So, we rolled him the other way. Up came the head, turned, back down on the other side. He persisted with this nonsense until the ambulance came, when he finally "came around".

The champ was the guy who took an NG tube while faking it. His eyelids were twitching and tears were streaming down his face, but he refused to give it up. He swallowed that whole freaking tube without a peep. Just watching made my eyes water.