Monday, September 22, 2014

The Employment Defense

Why, when I'm questioning somebody about a crime, do I so often get the indignant and completely irrelevant "job speech"? Such as:

Officer Cynical: "So, did you steal your neighbor's lawn mower?"

Suspect: "Hey! I go to work everyday. I have a job!"

Officer Cynical: "Well, that's great. But, did you steal your neighbor's lawn mower?"

Suspect: "I make money. I work hard for that money. I work 50, maybe 60 hours a week."

Officer Cynical: "I get that. Very admirable. Just tell me if you stole your neighbor's lawn mower."

Suspect: "Man, I get up early every morning and bust my ass all day just to support my wife and kids!"

Officer Cynical: "Oh, shut the fuck up. You're not the only thief who has a full-time job."

OK, I made that last bit up.


Jono said...

But you really wanted to say it, didn't you?

Charlotte said...

Several months back we had an unusual situation here in Sullivan County, TN. After a really destructive storm, one man stopped by his neighbor's house to see if he could help with the clean-up. He saw in the neighbor's damaged garage several large-ticket items that had been stolen from his house earlier in the week. Talk about serendipity.