Thursday, September 3, 2015

Hey, Rocky! Watch Me Pull A Rabbit Out Of My Hat!

You would be amazed at the number of people who live in apartments, drive cars, and wear clothes, any and all of which contain illegal items and substances that the occupant/driver/wearer doesn't know are there and has no idea how they got there. I can't tell you the number of times I've found a pot pipe on a coffee table, or a bag of weed in a glove compartment, or a switchblade in a pocket, and the occupant/driver/wearer tells me, "That's not mine. I have no idea where that came from."

My favorite was the young lady I arrested on a warrant outside a gas station. As I searched her before putting her in my squad car, a clear plastic bag full of pills fell to the ground.

Officer Cynical: (picks up bag) "What's this?"

Ms. Rolling: "That's ecstasy that doesn't belong to me. I loan this coat out to all my friends; one of them must have put it in there."

Epilogue: She was later found not guilty in a bench trial. No one could understand why, until we learned that the presiding judge was later removed from the bench for "inappropriate conduct with female defendants".


jbt369 said...

I was booking this guy into jail. While I was going through his wallet, I found a bit of aluminum tubing, which I suspected he used to short whatever up his nose. It's not illegal to have tubing, but I asked, "What is this for? It's a little unusual."

"That's not mine."

"Really? These are your credit cards, yes? And the picture on your license is the spitting image of you, and there are all these other pieces of paper and whatnot with your name on them. But this isn't yours?"

"Well, I lost my wallet, and then a little later I found it again, and that was in there."

I stopped screwing with him at that point, figuring that if I got him to say something that stupid it was punishment enough.

lbparker said...

Apparently, it was the judge who was pulling "rabbits" out of his "hat". Glad he was finally caught and removed.