Thursday, October 1, 2015

Underline "Hazard"

Block a lane of traffic during downtown rush hour while talking on a cell phone. Pull a U-turn at the busiest intersection in the city, while cross traffic has a green light. Drive 25 miles an hour over the speed limit because the plane leaves in 15 minutes. Pull a friend's old rusted-out junker with a frayed tow rope through the shopping district on Saturday afternoon. Move an entire apartment worth of furniture, including box spring and mattress, by balancing it precariously on the roof of a wheezing '83 Chevy station wagon.

These are things some people feel free to do, because they've turned on their hazard lights. Just flip those babies on, and you're free to drag race down Main Street, drive the wrong way on the interstate, or just take a scenic driving tour of an active runway at the airport.

I suppose they're thinking, "Hey, it seems pretty hazardous for me to be doing this, but if I just switch on these lights it'll be OK."


Anonymous said...

Or conversely...flipping on your hazards during a paralyzing, traffic-crippling snow storm that has hit Chicago moments before rush hour begins.

You know, because everyone else sitting on the Ryan/Edens/Eisenhower/Tri-State can't see the feet of snow falling and don't notice that traffic is crawling at a whopping 4 miles per hour.

Really, these are dangerous conditions? I hadn't noticed during the last HOUR it's taken me to roll a mere 5 miles while gazing at the brightly-light red ribbon of tail lights extending for miles and miles in front of me.

Oh THANK GOD you put your hazards on...I was thinking about driving like a maniac at 10 mph, but since I see those beacons of caution, I'll be sure not to plow into you at a damage-inducing 4 mph.

Jono said...

I always wondered what those lights were for.

Stephanie Knapp said...

As I was reading this list, that stupid song my kids like, "Dumb Ways To Die", started playing through my head. This so sounds like it could be a verse.

yarnwhore said...

To be fair, all of those people should have permanent hazard lights implanted in their heads to warn those with common sense to avoid them like the plague.