Monday, January 5, 2015

Grow Up

If you're a grown man, who votes and can buy liquor and has kids and a mortgage and a real job and everything, here are some things you might want to avoid doing, so you don't look like an idiot:

- Riding a 20-inch bike, so that your knees go up to about eye level when you pedal.

- Wearing the hair on any part of your body braided or in a pony tail.

- Raising your fist with your index and little fingers extended, and hollering "Whoooooooooooooo!" at any gathering of any kind for any reason.

- Burning rubber when the light turns green.

- Faking being a military veteran when there's any chance whatsoever that you're talking to one. Or any other time, for that matter.

- Getting into a physical domestic with your wife or girlfriend, then telling the cops that she hit you first and you were defending yourself when you gave her a fat lip.

- Getting drunk and disorderly in public, especially when you're out alone.

- Vandalizing anything that belongs to someone else to get back at them for something.

- Getting into a neighbor dispute with anyone over the age of 80.

- Unless you're at the pool or on the beach, walking around in public without a shirt on.

- Wearing a baseball cap with the brim at any orientation other than straight ahead.

- Dating someone not old enough to drink legally.

- Getting something pierced.


Anonymous said...

You've apparently met my brother-in-law. Congrats.

JerseyGirl said...

- Do not get caught on camera chest-bumping, high-five-ing and hugging Jerry Jones at the end of the Dallas game.

Anonymous said...

Is it OK for a grown woman to do a burn out when the light turns green?