It's On Video

I watch a lot of true crime TV shows, especially ones like First 48. They follow investigations from start to finish, and it's always interesting to me to see how detectives manage to wind up arresting a culprit when they have so little information to start with. One thing I've noticed is that these detectives often manage to get incriminating - or at least informational - video from sources that are sometimes quite a distance from the scene of the crime. They'll have a lead on a certain type of car, for example, then find that car on bank surveillance video a block away. It shows that the suspect car was indeed in the area.

Now, I'm no detective, and I likely never will be. But I've learned a few tricks over the years. And one of those tricks is the "I have it on video" ploy. I've made otherwise hard-nosed dipwads fold like cheap suits when I've told them "I have it on video".

I was once dispatched to a vandalism call, where a nice woman had come out of work to find her car keyed and spray painted. She was sure it was her ex-boyfriend that did it, but there was no evidence to prove it.

As I almost always do, I drove to the ex-boyfriend's house rather than call him on the phone. The uniform and badge have a way of working better - at least for me - than my disembodied voice on a phone line.

I began questioning the ex-boyfriend about the vehicle vandalism, and he not only denied it, but talked to me like I was inconveniencing the shit out of him. You could've cut his attitude with a knife. I finally tried this:

Officer Cynical: "You know, there's a video camera mounted on the TV tower that's next to the parking lot where your ex-girlfriend's car was parked. I covers the whole area, including the parking lot."

Mr. Cornfloater: "No fucking way."

Officer Cynical: "Yes, fucking way. When I leave here, I'm going straight over to the TV station and review that video."

Mr. Cornfloater (suddenly all fidgety): "Seriously? Why would you do that?"

Officer Cynical: "Because there's no doubt in my mind it's gonna show you vandalizing your ex-girlfriend's car. And then I'll be back here."

Mr. Cornfloater (now near tears) "I think you're wasting your time, dude. Besides, if I did do something like that, I don't remember it!"

Officer Cynical: "So, it was you that vandalized the car?"

Mr. Cornfloater: "OK, yeah! But I don't remember doing it!"

Epilogue: There is a camera on top of that TV tower, but it's about a thousand feet off the ground and points in the wrong direction. They use it to show the current weather during newscasts. It would've been impossible to gain any evidence from the video. Idiot.