Friday, November 28, 2014

Secret Identity

While working a DUI enforcement shift, I pull over a guy going the wrong way on a 1-way street. He says he doesn't have any ID on him, and gives me a name and date of birth. For some reason, I don't believe he is who he says he is. Partly because I can see he has a wallet in his back pocket.

Officer Cynical: "What's your Social Security number?"

Kit Walker: "I don't know; I can never remember it."

Officer Cynical: (big red flag waving inside brain) "How old are you?"

Kit Walker: "25."

Officer Cynical: "And you don't know your Social Security number?"

Kit Walker: "No."

Officer Cynical: "And you don't have even one thing on you or in the car that has your name on it?"

Kit Walker: "No."

Officer Cynical: "What about in your wallet?"

Kit Walker: "What wallet?"

Officer Cynical: "That one right there. Right there in your back pocket."

He takes his wallet out and starts thumbing through the contents. He tries to turn away from me so I can't see what he's doing, but I can see a driver's license right on top.

Officer Cynical: "What about that driver's license right there?"

Kit Walker: "Right where?"

Officer Cynical: "Right there in your goddam wallet - the one you're trying to hide with your hand!"

Turns out he had given me his brother's name and date of birth, because he had a suspended driver's license and a warrant. He also got charged for hindering a police officer. And a ticket for the one-way thing. Next time, study a little harder, pal - maybe I'll believe you.

Epilogue: Some other tricks to get at fake-namers: 1) Ask for a date of birth, then wait 10 minutes and ask again. A lot of times they won't remember what they told you the first time. 2) Ask for a date of birth, then ask how old they are. Often, they can't do the math fast enough and you can watch them short-circuit. 3) Just look in the computer system. If their name/birthday isn't in there, they're probably lying about who they are.

3 comments:

Jono said...

You have an extremely efficient bullshit filter.

Anonymous said...

Lol, I remember many many years ago when I was a teenager and just got my driver's license, my friend asked me to take her boyfriend home and I got pulled over (I believe cause they recognized the guy in my car cause he had a warrant for his arrest cause they never said I did anything wrong driving) and when they asked for his birth date, he literally said it was 13-13-1970, I started laughing so hard, and the cops looked very confused and said "13-13-1970, huh? Are you sure about that?"...I'm glad they arrested that idiot.

Anonymous said...

In defense of some of us 'older' women, we stop counting at let's say 35. Last week, for example, a woman told me she is 44. Flash forward 2-3 seconds for my response 'Oh, right! I'm 44 too!' dur