Monday, February 1, 2016

Remember Me?

I was always pretty lenient when it came to handing out traffic tickets. I was never the guy who'd write someone for 5 over the speed limit, or for almost - but not quite - stopping at a STOP sign.

One day I was monitoring a 4-way stop on my beat, in response to complaints from citizens in the neighborhood that people were flying through the intersection without even slowing down (Citizen complaints about traffic are the subject for another blog post). As I'm sitting there watching, I see this pickup truck slow down for the STOP sign just enough that I decide not to pull him over. A few minutes later, I see the same pickup do the same thing going the other way. I let it slide. And a few minutes after that, I see him doing it yet again. In the words of George S. Patton, "Alright, by God, that's enough!" I catch up to the guy, pull him over, and walk up to the window.

Mr. Gameshowemcee: (smiling and acting all tickled to see me) "Hey, man, how's it going? Long time no see!"

Officer Cynical: "Uh, I'm OK."

Mr. GSMC: "So, how you been doin'? What's happening?"

Officer Cynical: "The reason I'm pulling you over is I watched you bust that STOP sign three times in about 5 minutes. We've been getting complaints about people not stopping."

Mr. GSMC: "Really? Sorry, I'm looking for an address and I guess I wasn't paying attention."

Officer Cynical: "Can I see your driver's license and proof of insurance, please?"

Mr. GSMC: "Oh, c'mon - you're not gonna write me a ticket, are you?"

Officer Cynical: "Actually, I am. You're just completely disregarding the STOP signs, and I don't feel I have any choice."

Mr. GSMC: "Wow, after all the times we worked together, I can't believe you'd do that."

Officer Cynical: "Sir, I have no idea who you are. You don't look familiar and I don't recognize the name on your license."

Mr. GSMC: "You don't remember me? I drove for We-Yank-'Em Towing Company for years. I retired about 3 years ago."

Officer Cynical: "No, I'm sorry. I don't remember you at all."

Mr. GSMC: "Hey, I apologize if I rolled through the STOP sign. But you can cut me a break for old time's sake, right?"

Officer Cynical: "You have 14 days to either send this in with the fine, or register it for court. I need you to sign right here. And press hard, three copies."


Crazy RxMan said...

So the next time I'm pulled over I should pretend to know the officer, ask him/her to cut me a break, and he/she will cut me a break at least part of the time?

Jono said...

I remember you. We went to different high schools together!

charles said...

Don't cut him, or any other stop sign roller, a break. As one who was the victim of a stop-sign-roller, I say, slam them with everything you can.